Leggings are not, and should not be worn as....pants

The bane of my existence. Some college students get fired up about the number of drinking tickets being handed out on the weekends and fraternities being kicked off campus, not this sorrostitot. I get fired up about bitties wearing the incorrect clothing on their lower halves. Recently, I am going to guess due to global warming, the female species has determined it is ok, rather "cool", to wear leggins as...gasp...pants.

Let's break this down bit by bit. So first, the whole "oversized t-shirt, oh must have put on my boyfriend's shirt when we woke up this morning" shirt was in and paired with "norts." Lord have mercy, norts. That's for another day. So then obviously let's spend an hour in the morning straightening our hair and caking on makeup to put on..... running shorts and my boyfriend's t-shirt. That makes sense to everyone. Well then winter comes around. And when girls are done wearing norts with Uggs, they switch to the leggings. And why would any of them think to put on norts over their leggings during this season? Its a mystery to me.

But then, oh how flattering the leggings as pants are, and by flattering, I mean attracting all attention to any and all fat rolls on your lower half. They are literally just skin tight material with giant neon signs points to your fat rolls. Designers spend months creating the perfect pair of jeans to keep your ass high and tight and your muffin top tucked in, but these girls would rather spend their money on sewn together spandex. Also, this abomination creates a giant neon sign pointing to your hoo-ha.

And I just solved the mystery as to why girls wear them.


Dr. Success (TM) -- Andrea Goeglein, Ph.D. said...

I am reminded of one of the first wise lessons my daughter taught me about freedom and spandex. "spandex is a privilege not a right"

Anonymous said...

Zoe: You are my hero <3 You never fail to make me laugh.