The How To:
1. You don't need all of your monogrammed keychains when you go downtown to bars. Leave those at home. Take them all off and leave them in a safe place in your room. This way your keys will fit into your clutch.
2. Purchase a tiny wallet that you just use in your clutch. I think its fair to say you won't be writing any checks while you're out and about, so leave that at home. Just throw cash, drivers license, credit card, and insurance card (in case you drink too much and make a visit to the hospital) and you will be all set.
3. Do not bring all your makeup to reapply in the bathroom later. How many times have you remembered to reapply it 3 hours later? About 0 times. Just pack some lipgloss/lipstick in the clutch and that is all you need.
4. Take your Otterbox off your phone and put on a normal case. That thing makes your phone the size of a car phone circa 1998.
If you follow these rules and stop using your cleavage as a clutch, then you will be a real, classy, young lady. And, I won't judge you near as much.